Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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