I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
