I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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