Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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