I just made out with a guy for $7.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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