You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
