I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
