I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
