My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
