I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize