This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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