shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
