all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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