Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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