it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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