if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
