Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize