somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
