My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
