non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
