He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
