In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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