oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
