I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
