Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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