i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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