was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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