ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
