You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
