Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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