Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
