You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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