I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize