no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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