their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
