and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
