id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
