New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize