can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
