your parents love me but you hate me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
