apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
