If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
