Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
