When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
