Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize