I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
