oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
