you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i came on her dog
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
