Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
