Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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