fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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