I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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