i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
