It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
