I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
