he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
