Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
