First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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