I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
