One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
