Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
