I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
