im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
