We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
