well you can't waste a boner
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we should paint friendship bongs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
