Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize