I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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