I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
